Need: Many, many 12oz cans of domestic macrobrew; 1 bottle Fernet Branca
Chug your beer for the duration of:
• In lieu of a handshake, candidates' strained smiles, mouthed "thank yous"
• One of them staring right into the camera, to address the "American People"
• Anyone complementing Ohio, the greatest State in the Country, World
Sip your beer whenever:
• Anything is described as "unprecedented"
• Someone mentions "Obama" (the man OR the 'care)
• "Park Avenue" referenced
• Trump makes a dumb face (on purpose; different from resting dumb face)
• Biden stares longingly into middle distance when his turn to talk
• "Soul of this country" (sip for Biden, finish beer for Trump)
• "China virus" (sip for Trump, finish beer for Biden)
• Someone invokes a folksy phrase or "simple lesson" from family/childhood
• Biden: "C'mon man"
• Trump: "You might not know this"
• Biden: "The fact of the matter"
• Trump: "You'll see"
Finish your beer when:
• Trump blames Biden for Trump policy
• Big 10 Football comes up
• Trump hints at Biden's stutter
Shot of Fernet when:
• Trump straight up makes fun of Biden's stutter
• Anyone has to be bleeped
• Technical difficulty (audio snafu, lights go out, podium toppled, world ends)