Need: Many, many 12oz cans of domestic macrobrew; 1 bottle Fernet Branca

Chug your beer for the duration of:

• In lieu of a handshake, candidates' strained smiles, mouthed "thank yous"

• One of them staring right into the camera, to address the "American People"

• Anyone complementing Ohio, the greatest State in the Country, World

Sip your beer whenever:

• Anything is described as "unprecedented"

• Someone mentions "Obama" (the man OR the 'care)

• "Park Avenue" referenced

• Trump makes a dumb face (on purpose; different from resting dumb face)

• Biden stares longingly into middle distance when his turn to talk

• "Soul of this country" (sip for Biden, finish beer for Trump)

• "China virus" (sip for Trump, finish beer for Biden)

• Someone invokes a folksy phrase or "simple lesson" from family/childhood

• Biden: "C'mon man"

• Trump: "You might not know this"

• Biden: "The fact of the matter"

• Trump: "You'll see"

Finish your beer when:

• Trump blames Biden for Trump policy

• Big 10 Football comes up

• Trump hints at Biden's stutter

Shot of Fernet when:

• Trump straight up makes fun of Biden's stutter

• Anyone has to be bleeped

• Technical difficulty (audio snafu, lights go out, podium toppled, world ends)

Show Comments